BEING WITHOUT YOU STARTS WITH BEING WITH YOU written By Francesca Nina O'Keefe

Without you, starts with you! It starts with your unnecessary doubts and suspicions. It starts with your capricious blames on me for doing things when I don't do anything. An artist is not only your lover or property. An artist property of the public. An artist should be shared. That's the way it goes. An artist day begins without making love thinking and producing. If you go against this then it will start conflict of being without you while with you. There's this softness on the pillow with humble welcome. There's this unshared cold rooms in the house with dampness of tears on the walls. When there's this cold no woman putting out bosoms out of the windows. There's this faraway stolen metropolitan city from me. I live in the world between sick and not sick. There's a world, where my love always tested in it, like urine test. I don't get where am I with this love? Soon there it is! A silence in the room, collapsed. While you're peeling potatoes and chirping the eggs with wild passion nervously Teoman sings to Lily, I can't be without you! http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xgvhvi_nylufer-teoman-sensyz-olmaz_music
I'm sitting on the berjer chair by the window apposed to the sea like a refuge cat ready to give birth. The trees are bare naked this winter. I'm 50 foot away from the sea. While you're angry at me. Teoman's song says; Lily can't be without you. I forgot I loved to tango. I forgot how Tango was beautiful. You ask me in the middle of writing mood, if these potatoes can be eaten when its flowers ? I say your mother says it can't be eaten, you asked me what I think? I say I eat it nothing happened to me yet. You stop peeling the Potato , you come by me to put a kiss on my lips. You tell me this should be our song from now on! Name of the song is, would not be without you! What if while we're in love, we don't love each other? What if our hearts wants to be free and not tied to anywhere. What if the time is before the sunset, then no dawn? Neither I sit alone in this berjer? Nor two people can't fit in to this chair? No fire in the fireplace, it makes you clear to see the absence of warmth at this home. Too many potatoes you pealed for four eggs. You were cold so I wrapped my blue scarf around your waist. I sat, I wrapped to myself in to space. My feet are cold. There are blows on your head. Again you hit your head somewhere. Struck down and made love to me like a man for 10 times. Would continue to make love but you're eyes were out of your eye-sockets. At first you were my problem. Now you're my great responsibility. I'm living with you, without you all the time. Behold, I say, but I slip back into my old flame. But that would be the old version of this story with no difference. "No one is", "no different"! Stories are the same, characters are different that is all. I decided. Men do not know love. Only Women know how to love. Unfortunately, the weather is cold, sharp as nails going through my skin. This home, got to have a new layout. Then I need to go without leaving a half job behind. It must be destiny to be a Queen while being a slave of someone else. Tonight, I want you to drink my blood! Lets leave shame, no shame, sin, wrong behind. Lets live, so we don't live without us, while living together. I'm hungry! Suck me!

DEPART written by Francesca Nina O'Keefe

There is this funny look left behind after this sad depart from heart of cloud. Leaving is the story of my life. This morning I departed from my home, my bed, my street, my coffee shop. I arrived to the airport so late. I hate me. I fell asleep for the first time. 5 am took a taxi. Demand to the taxi driver taking the La Cienega Blvd. While in the taxi battling with the airline people fixing my ticket, I hate flying in the middle of the winter out of Los Angeles. When there is great weather begging for me to stay I don't even look back, easily packed my everything in ten to fifteen minutes. I know I'm late for something. I know I'm late to feel again. I passed through the roof tops while leaving Los Angeles. Mexican town lost in American continentant. On the plain I was worrying about if I'm going to make it to my later flight 4: 45 pm made a big mistake. All I made was to New York. Over the Pacific Ocean. Pacific Ocean was frozen. Turbulences after turbulence as if we shook the hands of God. Maybe God shooked the plain of the clouds with scare. Or pilot was high. My connecting flight took off without me. The story of my life. I'm in the jungle of New York somewhere between china town and 55th and 2nd Ave. Streets are ice cold. Everything shrinks down to size zero here. Thai restaurant was nice. No appetite of love or life. Something’s leaving my soul without giving me the notice. This heart should not be this cold. This life should not be this dull. I'm between adopting a pet or a kid. I live far, far out of my mind these days. Touch me' this is the last take we will have before my departure.

GOLDEN BOY TANJU COLAK (CHOLAK) AND HIS COME BACK KID STORY written by Francesca Nina O'Keefe

Golden boy Tanju Colak (Cholak) journay began in the small town Trabzon/Turkey continued with major leagues. He became a first Turkish goal champion in Europe. He had achieved a golden shoes award. He was and he is such a down to earth athlete.
We create Heros in Turkey, but we take the greatest pleasure to kill the heros we created. Tanju Colak my childhood hero is in my mind always. I do not know why? I have been following him. And what has be doing for under the financial difficulty kids. And I say bravo. He became a very good coach for kids. The output of his career as a top scorer in Europe announced as the first Turk. I think from Tanju's career no different from Maradona or Pele. Maradona learnt football on the streets of Argentine. Pele learnt it in the rain forests. Tanju came from nothing, grew in the back streets of Trabzon. Then His career strolled in to European football stadium like a Turkish hurricane. He was the first Turkish footballer used back kick like Pele. So he bend it like Pele. He was an real athlete. He is actually very humble. He was not one those snobs like todays football stars.. Yeah I think Tanju was best Turkish footballer and was best ever. Who led the recent end of his career? Turkish Actress Hulya Avsar and their affair was out on papers and his career inclined. It takes two to Tango. But the biggest factor in finishing his career was his forbidden love. He was proud but not ashamed of is doings. Behind that man this woman had a past filled with shame. I always write things, but people likes to read between the lines. They do take paragraphs out of the context. But whatever there is between these paragraphs. Tanju Colak career was wasted by fundamental people. And people cared more about his personal life rather than his football. Tanju Colak have done in the past, no matter what the condition of his life willingly or with force of financial difficulty forced him to the thinks he'd done, Tanju Colak (the comeback kid story) I love it. If you are trying to write a book of a man with this turbulent life and career from a Black Sea, this crazy kid had guts to finish his book, with the last chapter he completes with such a signature move and if this life should be written in to a movie one day it should end like this. In spite of everything these days, the family of clusters has demonstrated by the mastery of the dark world of magazine. His respect for the protection of them unbelievable. Mr Tanju Colak I don't know you personally. But your career in helping kids with financial trouble these days, taking them out of the streets and teaching them football, going from town to town giving them joy of sports and love finally, made me feel; At the end you did your famous back kick. I would like to congratulate you. Your leave was sad but your return was fantastic. Keep on going.

I'M BORED! Written By Francesca N O'Keefe

One of my ex lover told me today he was bored of me. Tell you the truth; I was more bored of him. So I laughed at myself. I was bored of him emotionally and financially. What kind of smart man will tell his girl friend before splitting up, he's bored? Well, I'm so bored of him I can blow up! In reality we women get bored all the time, we never show. I'm bored of being with someone and living with no one. I'm bored of people taking away from me more than giving me something. I'm bored of this windy mornings. I'm bored of the same bed, the same under-wears, the same home and the same type of man in my life. I am bored. I'm bored of ignorance. I'm bored of helping others giving them advise while I can't even advise myself. I'm bored of giving up my freedom for the people in my life. If I wake up I don't have the cheese I liked on the table. I do want to make a fuss about it too. I do want to lay on the couch and make a fuss about it. I do want to get mad when my pasta not have the souse I want. I do want to break everything. I'm bored too. When someone doesn't buy me the things I want, I do want to hit the ground with my foot like a little girl and scream. I do want to sit at the cafe shop in Paris and sip my Café Olé. I'm getting bored when those things doesn't happen. I do want to go to Argentine and tango all night with a man I don't even know of. I do want to dip my toes in to the sea from a nice yacht in Monaco. I want to have the luxury to say in the middle of the way from no where out of no reason. I want to say; I am bored. The Champagne's cork was opened with a splash. My feet were cold. So I worn socks. There is a loneliness serenade in my heart. While spring leaves sprinkling on the streets sun bursts in to the scenery. These springs, winters, summers are fake! I'm cold or I'm warming up. This violin concerto, this piano drives me crazy. I'd say lets make love but we can get bored. Meanwhile if we're bored of each other when we are not together, we really must be bored. I'm bored of getting sick. I'm bored of walking. I'm bored of eating but not digesting. Yes, I'm bored of everything and everyone this morning except writing. Writing doesn't bore me today. Before I forgot I've met his dream of shadow today. I said to him hello can I sit by you? I changed my mind left the table. Yes, just he did not bore me! But I didn't want to get bored by him.

SIKILMAK ( İNGİLİZCE OLARAK ''I'' YI ''İ''OKUYUN) Yazan Francesca N O'Keefe

Sevgililerimden biri ben den ayrılırken benim dengesizliğimden sıkıldığını yazmış. Çok güldüm. Sıkılmak; Ay ben de çok sıkıldım. Hemde inanılmaz......! Maddi manevi sıkıldım!( bu kelimeyi ingilizce okumaya devam) Hangi akıllı adam sevgilisinden ayrılırken sıkıldım kelimesini kullanır ki? Hangi akıllı adam böyle bir tufaya düşer? Aslında biz kadınlar o kadar çok sıkılıyoruz ki ama hiç belli etmiyoruz. Bende sıkıldım.Bu biriyleyken hep yalnız yaşamaktan. Ben de sıkıldım boş yere sinirlenip yumuşamaktan. Hayatımdan benden alıp gidenlerden bende sıkıldım. Rüzgarlı sabahlardan. Aynı yataktan, aynı yatak odasından aynı iç çamaşırlarından. Aynı tip erkeklerden bende sıkıldım. Sıkıııııldım sıkıldım. Cehaletten ona buna akıl vermekten ama kendime akıl vermekten aciz olmaktan. Bende sıkıldım onun bunun için özgürlüğümden hayatımdan fedakarlıklar etmekten. Bende bir sabah uyanıp masada istediğim peynir olmayınca avazım çıktığı kadar bağırıp bir koltukta yayılmak istiyorum. Ben de sıkıldım. İstediğim kıyafet alınmayınca tepinmek. Makarnam sossuz yapılınca ortalığı yıkmak istiyorum. Bende istiyorum Pariste Café Olé imi içmek. Sıkılıyorum bunlar olmayınca hep sıkılıyourum. İktidarsızlık o kadar çok var ki etrafta. Arjantine gitmek ve tanımadığım bir adamla bütün gece tango yapmak istiyorum. Bende ayaklarımı tekneden Monaco da tekneden sarkıtıp ıslatmak istiyorum. Bende yola devam edip yarı yolda sıkıldım deme lüksünü istiyorum. Bu baharlar, bu kışlar, bu yazlar yalancı. Şampanyanın mantarı çoktan fırlamış. Ayaklarım üşümüz çorabımı giymişim. Yalnızlık serenatı var bu kalpte. Sonbahar yaprakları varken caddelerde bir hışımla haber vermeden usulca çıkıyor güneş. Bir üşüyorum, bir ısınıyorum sıkıntıdan. Bu keman konçertosu, bu piano beni mahvediyor. Sevişelim diyecem ama sıkılabiliriz. Bu arada biribirimizin yanında olmadan sıkılıyorsak gerçekten sıkılıyoruzdur. Hasta olmaktan sıkıldım. Yürümekten sıkıldım. Yemek yiyip hazım edememek ten sıkıldım. Evet ben herşeyden herkezden sıkıldım. Bir tek ,bir tek yazmaktan sıkılmadım bu gün. Birde onun hayaliyle karşılaştım merhaba dedim ona bu gün. Ondan sıkılmadım....

REALITY OF HEALTH ISSUES IN LOS ANGELES AND ULCER written by Francesca N O'Keefe

If you ever get an ulcer; If you are young, no doctor will diagnose you! Since you're young they won't even advise you to have colonoscopy or endoscopy. In Los Angeles if you get sick and if you don't have an insurance you're better of crossing over the mexican border. Because doctor's won't waste their time with you. They are money makers for the drug companies and the hospitals. Sorry to disappoint you, but most of them are ripping off the insurance companies as well as the patients. Here is my example. I went to the doctor E.R. Doctor could not diagnose me at all and send me home prescribed me anti acid over the counter. Then he'd sent me through the hospital 850 dollars bill, just taking my temperature listening to me. Doctor's have no patience over patient. They really don't want to even touch you unless you're insured. If you tell them you have no insurance and you want to pay in cash they charge you the same amount when you have insurance. How? Say your treatment costs 5000 bucks you end up paying with insurance 2000 bucks. If you don't have insurance your bill is 2000 bucks. So with or without insurance what you pay is the same. Unless your leg is chopped off or you have cancer in your family getting insurance is useless. If you have a top insurance that is great. Well lets get back to ulcer. Since doctors can't diagnose you. I advice you write down your own symptoms on a piece of paper. And research it on line. Yes, diet is the key. Don't drink alcohol, eat chocolate or greasy food. STAY AWAY FROM THEM! Meditate and relax. Get away from stress. You can try to go water diet. Which means you do not eat anything or drink anything but water one whole day. Next day add french bread with your meal. Do not eat meat next day. Eat only Turkey in the afternoon. No matter what you do , you have to find a way to get colonoscopy and endoscopy. And ulcers has to be treated. And if you don't have insurance in Los Angeles. They (hospital people) will tell you can go to county hospital. However it is very difficult. As I mention before you better just cross the mexican border!:))) Good luck and get well!