I WILL SURVIVE CEDARS SINAI! written By Francesca N O'Keefe

I was so sick past 20 days. 2 days before New Year's Eve I was taking some cheap Aspirin. New Year's Eve drank too much on top it. I ate middle eastern restaurant in Glendale. I dance all night with my friends. I was so happy. After that day I got so sick cramp in my stomach got worsen. I ended up in the emergency room. They were nice to me at the Cedars Sinai. They gave me a blanket and a bucket right before I was dying from severe pain. They took me in. The Nurse was nice. He took me in took my blood pressure. Then he sat front of his computer started to write my symptoms. Doctor took me in 25 minutes later. He was nice listen to my story. Put a cream on his glove sticked his finger up my ass. Took a sample. And said ''hmm so clean'' I said yes I wipe it with a wet tissue when I go to the bathroom. He could not find blood. Even I bleed 2 days ago. He gave me some anti acid medicine, pepcid and said okay I will discharge you today. You can go home. Just don't take Aspirin. And get Upper GI Endeskopy.
Okay I'm a European chick. I live here recently became an American citizen. But every time I have an Emergency I go to the E.R they do simple tests that doesn't cost them much. Send me a bill 800 bucks to 2000 bukcs. How crazy is that? Just for Prescribing me pepcid I get these funky service and the bill on top and I am still not healed. So I sat home in pain wrote down the symptoms and did a research. I found out what I have. Heliobacter Pylori/Ulcer.
Then again my friend's daughter is still stuck at the hospital at the Emergency room just because he can't pay the bill 2000 grant. On top of it when she went in, she had some pain like I did. But they gave her wrong medicine and got her sicker.
So first lesson in America. If you are an American and if you don't have insurance be your own doctor. Medi-cal and Medi-caid don't pay colonoscopy and Endeskopy. Free clinics are full of people they won't care for you unless you are dying. I suggest you go to Mexico or go to some European country. In America health system Emergency rooms are nothing but bank machines of hospitals and drug companies. They invest most of their money in to researching disease rather than healing them. And selling drugs all over the world cheaper than here. Insurance companies founded by drug companies. They rip each other off. It is so bad soon we will have to operate ourselves. I bet 2050 Microsoft will make a new software so we can operate ourselves. In America working in the field of Health considered the same as cleaning human toilet. Majority Hospitals and Doctors in America absolutely have no dignity. I guess no hospitals listens or obeys the law of Obama. Hospitals and the health systems makes their own rules suck everyones money and not heal people. I am so angry first million I make I will open up a free clinic.
I will make a reality show called if you think your hospital's great!

OF-COURSE Written By Francesca N O'Keefe

Of course this morning I woke up early. Of course I've been sick for a while. Of course I will not spent time translating my writings in to English it won't make any sense. Of course I miss Troy. He's in me. I'm in him. Of course I will catch up my late meetings will make my unmade phone calls. Of course I was sick for 17 days I had cramps in my stomach. Of course Turkey is in chaos. Turkey is like a big bagel shop. Of course Aziz Nesin was greater Turkish writer/thinker. Of-course West hollywood, Beverly hills, Malibu is beautiful today. Of course I should've changed my locks long time ago and new keys for my home and my heart. Of course they take woman in jail with false prosecution of prostitution. Of course there are brothels own by government in Turkey. Of-course they put them through for ugly testing process when they don't test man. Of course I should write. Of course there are so many imitation of my writings. Of course friends, family's are backstabbers, vultures. Of course I was lazy for 17 days. Of course last night I hanged around gay bar and I was hit on by a gay guy. Of course the best thing about getting sick is getting well. Of course they fucked the sea and the atmosphere of Istanbul, but they made new roads. of course most people follows fundamental freaks rather than smart people. Of course every one acts as if they're mother Theresa when they are bunch of nymphomaniacs. Of course most people had sex at the bar's toilet except I. Of course everyone has a dirty fantasy. Whoever says opposite masturbating himself/herself! Of course one day they will make my monument here in America. And it will be called free will and free lived honorably! Of course I figured out my speaker cable this morning. So I have loud music. Of course everyone loves me when I'm flying rather than walking. Of course I will write and paint always and buy a little home Hollywood Franklin and Asmali Mescit in Istanbul. Of course Bukowksi only will be remembered as long as I live to write about him. Of course Troy and I are very flirtatious people. Of course somethings should be far away from me in order to be loved. Of course I should get a way from people demoralizes me. of course when I write front of my laptop I should be in nude. of course there are people who thinks their shit doesn't stink in this life even when it does! Of course there are so many fake followers my writings tagged me to their writings. Of course if we end up alone so what! Of course Troy will visit me here. He lives in me. I live in him. Of course these of course's endless.....!

JODIDA PERO CONTENTA ! Written by Francesca N O'Keefe

Jodido pero contenta! I am fucked up, but content! Don't look at me with that face. Sex always better when you don't have the worry about tomorrow. So finish your job. I am finished. I need to take a rain check. Recently I discovered being with someone has no difference with being with no one. Yes, it's always great to have a long term plant cactus or (cocktus) set by your window. However what will it do for you? Still I am fucked up this morning but content. Made love in gibberish. Didn't take time to check out my bank account. My bank account is fucked up and I am content too...:)))) So what? I don't bother going out. I easily catch cold from a soft drift. I have a head ache. Too much whisky and wine in my blood. Tired of writing in "the other language". So I am taking initiative to communicate with you in the cyber space in "another language" again. There is no end to this desire of mine insisting "another language" . Again? Never mind my mistake! Instead of putting my mother milk out in the bottle making cheese out of it for you like the Chef in New York, I could've make an alcoholic drink out of it for you. Or I could lay on my ass in nude in Bryant park New York like a statuette. Life is about this vagabond living moments and getting fucked up but being content. I am in the constant search of real love. I discovered the only real love is in me. My own Vagina:))))) I'm writing like a wild woman. Don't be scared I won't bite you. I just remembered how many guys stepped all over this body. I can recount them for you. More than you and I can count. None of them loved me. They just loved to be with me. So I am fucked up, but content. So what? I decided to start smoking and wear leafs instead a dress. Dye my hair to blond. Totally experiment the life all over again. I will leave to go somewhere and never come back. What would've happen if I was living in the village somewhere? Like Latin America. What if I dance and sing and write nights and days and get fucked up and be content? .....Anyway through out your blonde hair my hand goes through in the dark. Your skin is very Guar ( white) you are like a cotton ball. You are silent to me and to the darkness. I can imagine you are anybody now. Lets not lift up the veil of this night! Somehow I love you now. But tomorrow all I want to be is jodida pero contenta! Fucked up but content!

LOVE WILL STOP BY TO HEART WHEN IT'S READY written by Francesca N O'Keefe@

Yes love will stop by to a heart when it's ready. I've finished my book (don’t bite my apple). I don't feel like writing anymore for some reason. Mr. X is gone and I haven't seen Mr. Y for some time. One night I saw Mr. X in Bebek by the bay Istanbul. When I threw the ring he gave me in to the sea. Next morning at 7 am went back there and got in to a boat thinking maybe it landed in there but there was no luck. The name of the boat was fako. Twist of fate. I threw the ring because Mr. X told me I was free. If I was free why should I carry his ring? I said to myself. For the last time we sat on a table not by side to side. I sat a cross by Mr.X. I told him it's not working. I noticed he wasn't rude to the waiters like he used to be. But it was meaningless when we're separating he's nice to the waiters. Friday night I went to the Cumhuriyet Meyhanesi (Tavern) I noticed I was wearing the shoes that Mr. X loved but I got used to wearing them. They always hurt my feet. This time I felt it. It was hurting badly. I took off them off. I went to a store I got myself training shoes in red. From now on I am saying stop to shoes that hurts my feet. 3 sweet man and I ended up finishing 2 bottle of Raki (Ouzo or pasties) We drank, drank and drank.....All of a sudden I've noticed I was sitting side by side with a sweet man number one. The sweet man came from another town from Ankara to Istanbul to see me. One minute it had been a while I haven't been drinking like this. Those training shoes were really nicely in red and were taking some attention. We went to a bar called Hayal Kahvesi (Also known as Dream Bar) we were at front by musicians and dancing. How come I was having fun? How come I wasn't unhappy? Was I trying to compress my pain? The song began ""Maybe from this life one day you'll leave and you think of the days you had":)) Nope I was dancing and having fun with a number one sweet man who was 23 years old. I was wild that young girl again. Wild sweet number one man and I opened our eyes in the king’s room at Taksim with a spectacular view. I sat side by side laid our feet on the table. He said, I love you= I said, don't say that. No love. He said, you're beautiful= I said, I am ok! He said, I came for you from Ankara. = I said don't come for me again. He said, I want to see you again...= I said no we're free. You’re free! Don't call me more than 2 times a day and don't sms me more than 2 times a day. If my belly shows don't cover it. Don't be jealous of me. And don't kiss me too much. I can't breathe!

SOMETHING IS MISSING THIS MORNING written by Francesca N. O'Keefe

There was something missing this morning. Sun is hiding, love; Balconies are empty. There's no woman hanging their laundry. They know maybe it will rain. Fear is not my best friend. I laugh at everything these days. I laugh at lie's, being hungry, being broke, being alone, looking for resolution. I am laughing at myself. How in my short life my heart always stayed loyal to one man. I have been writing about love, leavings and coming backs in two tongues. So you could maybe understand. No...This weather is funky...Always gray. If you're too good, talk about peace to much, they kill you! Love, Every prophet, every lover, every thinker gets killed. If people doesn't kill you alcohol or drugs will kill the peace maker. I don't even smoke. Forget it, I'm like a passive smoker.. Our love was like that I guess. I inhaled you once, when your nose touched mine. Before you touched my lips with your lips. My heart was pumping in my artery saying I love you. I inhaled you, like a last cigarette. But you stayed in me. There's no excuse. I never let others exile me. I have seen imprison in and outside. This morning is gray my love. Whatever is written to you meaningless. I lived this life to say I love you. I will not stop loving you even I cross over to the other world and I am in God's promised land. You'll still be my last cigarette that I inhale you in once up on a time. And still, even, below my hat, behind my ear, my artery is pumping and saying I love you....

IF I DIE, YOU BREATHE FOR ME. IF YOU DIE, I'LL BREATHE...
Written by Francesca N O'Keefe

If I die, you must continue breathing for me. If you die, I must continue living for you. Life must be passed by people to the people we love. I am so glad I can write stories. And pass it to the next generation. Writers are timeless. We don't get old. We don't die. Writer is a thinker that never dies. Not only me! One night The guy in a pink pajamas invited me to his house told me so too. I seek through the old books on his shelf that he was inherited from his Grand Dad. He poured me a nice whisky. This home was comfortable with a nice white couch. A night before this sexy man in Pink Pajamas fell a sleep on a chocolate crumbs. How sweet! There was a stain on the couch. That's how I figured. "1001 things you should know about" a serious book was on his shelf in the bathroom. So many Gowns 5 of them were hanged in the bathroom. No liquid soap. Hmm interesting. He turned on his big Flat Screen Tv. Put on the channel aquarium where there was only a nice music and fish. Then he made me talk and opened my mouth. Poor him. For two hours we had discussed quantum theory instead kissing. Yes I sat on a chocolate too I guess. According to the sexy man in pink pajamas. Time travel is possible only with our thoughts. According to him there's a dimension of time and a place. Now here is my question. Is love could be consider a thought? And will I meet again the sexy man in Pink Pajamas in different dimension of time and a place?

BACK TO BACK GOOD BYE! written by Francesca N O'Keefe

Back to back our love story must be a major grammar mistake. I am all framed in every position you can ever imagine. I am going again. I stop tagging you to my stories. I was in to short stories. These days I’m in to writing a book. Some old man once told me talking about too much I's might be considered humiliation. However talking about you is so boring and pointless. So I shall stick to my I's, and you should stick to your I's......

It's endlessly raining and then snowing. What a mix? Obama won! I won! However the economy is the same. Anywhere around the world the sun sets and rises the same way. If you see a different look please take a picture and send it to me. I'll keep it in my file. I don't know what to write you while closing your chapter and stop clinging the idea of you. I know how it feels to be a man in love in this world. But you can't even second-guess, how it feels like to be a woman in love. My tears, desires, going a way's coming back's, my wildness could've ended one sentence between your lazy lips. Simple...We're back-to-back I am taking the last train out of Istanbul to Ankara. Maybe Istanbul is back back to Ankara saying good bye. And I will always remember your last look in bizarre way, discovering I could be without you. Your mind will get it together. You lost me. First time in my life I feel like I won me...So this is my good bye to you. I hope you find a nice girl, just because you asked, she will cook two types of omelets for you in the morning. I hope when you have a break up with her, you find another girl to tell your bad news. I hope you will be very happy as many as beds you like to stride through rest of your life and as long as you like to live as a pavement flower of other beds...